Am I enough? Am I doing enough? Of course I am not because otherwise there would be no need for Jesus. I am only enough through you Jesus. The fact that I cannot do anything and everything should point me to Jesus but instead it just makes me feel worse. I think, "If only I was more put together I would have better friendships or a better marriage. If only I could be better and more organized I could serve my husband better." It is then that I am prone to the lies- "he'd be better off without you," or "they aren't really your friends."
Why am I so much like my mother Eve--susceptible to these lies, biting the bait and then the hook, being lured in by the easy way out. In my mind. Never in action because that would disgrace myself and my family--but it doesn't make it better--my heart is still black as sin can get.
Lord, I long to know your true forgiveness in every area of my life. Shine your light on those darkest places in my heart. Remind me that I cannot hide from you--you already know me; so why have I held onto these areas?
I am afraid I will be too much-- that people don't really want to see or know the true me--the me that is covered head to toe in garbage and diarrhea. That if I truly was open it would be met with rejection--he would try to fix me instead of persevering with me.
Lord, are you enough for me? Sometimes I am so busy trying to do it all right I don't even consult you-- "not right now" I say to you. You ARE enough always and especially when I am not enough or too much. I know this to be true, with my head, but I want to really know it in my heart.