This was originally posted on Good Friday 2018, and it's become one of my favorite pieces. Every year it changes a little bit though, as I change and revise. This year, a rebuild and revision, is a reminder of His perfect love for us in His timing, not ours.
The anxiety increases as I think through all the things. So many on which to focus, none of them giving any kind of peace. And a specific feeling of creeping sadness as I make sure everything is in order. It starts small, but I can tell it's there.
Several months ago we planned to take a trip to Arizona; the only free time we had was over Good Friday and Easter weekend. It didn't matter to me at the time.
But a lot has changed between then and now. I got all the necessaries ready in my absence; taking a week off my work and commitments. It isn't easy for me to sit still.
But it was more than that.
I was sad that I wouldn't be able to worship in a way I've longed to for years. I desired to finally go to church for a Good Friday service, to remember Jesus' sad day, to be reminded of this centrality of my faith. The past few years my heart really hadn't been in it. It was a box to check. It just kinda hurt. But now the repetitive work of His faithfulness has worked on my heart and I want to worship that way this Good Friday.
So I go for a walk. The Arizona air refreshing after the oven of the afternoon. Pandora music in my ears, knowledge that my family is safe in my absence. A couple minutes to myself.
He meets me.
"How deep the Father's love for us..."
I realize I am attending a Good Friday service right then. My steps match the beat of the music, and with it an overwhelm of the non-crushing kind. The adobe palette complements the blue and pink cotton-candy sky. He brings my mind to spiritual things.
Thank you Jesus, for life. For breath to breathe this dry air, to feel this beauty and grace on my body as I walk in this neighborhood. Thank you Jesus for the reminder that I have this life only because of you. Your grace.
Jesus, thank you for meeting me here.
Where has Jesus met you?