Updated: Dec 8, 2020
Four AM used to be my "friend," but we never really got along. The demands of my day made any "me-time" seemingly impossible, so I made time before everyone else got up. I'd exercise (begrudgingly), study the Bible, drink about 4 cups of coffee, and plan my grocery trip. I loved it at the time, but it wasn't sustainable.
Running long distances used to be my "friend," but we never really got along. Besides the forced alone time, which I loved, I really only ran so I could eat without guilt, which is not healthy. I did a couple half marathons and loved the feeling of accomplishment, progress, and recognition. I loved it at the time, but it wasn't sustainable.
Having no open space on my calendar used to be my "friend," but we never really got along. I felt extreme anxiety when I had a day or two with nothing on it. I'd have to plan something to take the space, to feel worthwhile. Being busy felt like a badge I proudly displayed. I loved it at the time, but it wasn't sustainable.
Today is December 1. For the last several years, December has been marked by a daily reflective piece of writing accompanied by a photo of a candle, as an advocate for fundraising for Peoria Home. It's what led me to doing a year of dresses, actually!
But this year, it's not gonna happen. I loved it in past years, but this year it's just not sustainable.
A thing I am still learning is that the most enduring change happens slowly over a long period of time. Little by little, things change and add up to big changes. It's not just about one day, or one thing, or one choice. And this season, I'm choosing a little rest!
I would still encourage generosity in this season! Happy Advent all.